here i am, 44 days from the accident. 30 days from the second (and last) surgery. for the most random of reasons, my life got derailed and slowly put together one piece at a time. i'm not back to normal, but i'm almost there.
i spent most of the recovery time blessed with a sense of peace and a calm about what i was going through. i don't think it took anything special on my part.. i just didn't see the point of being overly upset about something i had no control over. at the same time, it was also easy to deal with the recovery when in the back of my head, i knew how much worse everything could have been. every time i got frustrated that i was in pain or couldn't function normally, i was simultaneously thankful to not be in a coma.
so now i'm back at work. i can hang out with my friends occasionally. i have more energy. i'm so close to the end of this whole mess, i can taste it.
which makes it all the more frustrating.
i just got word a few days ago that my scheduled day to get ALL the hardware removed is june 27th. and on the one hand, while i'm so excited to have a date, knowing i have another four weeks of eating difficulty, talking difficulty, and being forced into this hibernated state so that i don't backslide.. it's starting to wear on me.
in addition to all this, i feel like my face is taking forever to heal. i've had multiple people tell me my face looks fine, and i know it's all minor shit.. but anyone who's looked at themselves in the mirror and seen a blemish that looks 100 times bigger to themselves than anyone else has to know what i'm going through. the scar where my lip split isn't healing well and i feel like i've got a permanent snarl. and i feel like i have permanent black eyes and i look like emperor palpatine.
i realize i'm being vain here. and i also realize i could have looked a whole hell of a lot worse if it wasn't for the work of the amazing doctors who put my face back together. and i know that this should all heal up eventually and someday in the near future i'll hopefully look just like i did before all this. it's just another aspect of the slow healing process that i'm dealing with.
anyway, the best way to describe this whole process is that it's like running in a race after not having run for a while. at first you are shocked by the strain on your body, but your adrenaline and determination kicks in and you find a way to get over that initial fatigue. after a little while, you hit that spot where you are able to keep fatigue at bay and find your rhythm. eventually, and usually as you get closer to the finish line, no matter how you try, that fatigue comes back.. and you've gotta be able to overcome it and make that final push to the finish line.
that's where i am right now.
and i know i'll make it to the finish line, i've just gotta keep my eyes locked on that date four weeks from now and stick with my program and get better.
lastly, i hope this entry doesn't come across as a plea for sympathy or anything. i really don't want a bunch of comments saying "oh this will all work out in the end" because i know it will. i guess i'm just reserving the right to bitch about it once or twice. i wrote this as a way of venting some personal shit that i don't really like to talk about with friends. i also wrote it in the interest of "real talk" about what this whole process has been like. this is one of the negative sides. it's just part of the overall reality of this whole situation.
i'll be fine. in fact, i feel better already.
