intensity recap.

okay.

fuck. i made it.

so, two really intense things happened today. one i can talk about, and one i can't talk about.

first thing's first. intense thing #1 that i can't really talk about on here. it went better than expected. i was over-prepared and everything went much better than i ever thought it would. so THANK GOD for that. i still won't know how things are going to turn out for possibly months, but at least my role in it is over for the time being.

the second thing which i CAN talk about is my job.

and the good news is that i got to keep mine.



a lot of people i am close friends with, people who i not only value on a personal level, but really thought highly of their work as well, got let go today. all in all, there were about 10 people laid off today. including my boss.

this was upsetting on a lot of levels. first because i have really come to value my relationship with my boss. she had really taken me under her wing and taught me a lot of important things since i joined the team. second because it throws my entire job into a tailspin.

basically now i am being completely phased out of the team i'm currently on and transitioned over to a new team with different people and clients. the relationships i've formed with my teammates, my clients, and all the progress i felt i'd been making on the team are stopping dead in their tracks more or less in the next week or so.

i'm not very excited about the new teams or the new work. my experience so far is that it's mostly administrative work. updating databases, sending form e-mails, keeping tabs on a bunch of moving pieces, but no real analytical thinking or opportunities to really show what i'm capable of.

on top of all this, we were also told we're getting a paycut. i don't make a lot of money to begin with. it's going to have a very significant impact on my life.

i know i'm bitching here. i'm not happy. i put a lot of faith in this company as being the starting point for my career and i just see things going down a path that make me feel like i'm only going to spin wheels.

i am grateful i still have a job while some of my close colleagues do not. i don't mean to sound ungrateful. i just wish circumstances were different across the board for everybody.

what can i say? times are tough.