the roommates and i had a heated discussion on the merits of various girl scout cookie flavors.
the hierarchy of flavors, in my mind, are as follows:
1. samoas
2. do-si-dos
3. thin mints
4. tagalongs
5. all other flavors of girl scout cookie
6. no cookies at all
7. vomit-flavored cookies
8. broken glass cookies
9. poison cookies
10. trefoils
whoever invented the trefoil was a total asshole.
first off, just look at these girl scouts fucking LAUGHING at you for buying such a shitty cookie.
anyway, here's why i hate it. moms always buy the girl scout cookies and get a variety of flavors and it doesn't matter what combination of flavors they get, somehow there's always ONE box of trefoils ordered.
and of course, when the cookies arrive, no one gives a shit about the trefoils and all the other far more delicious cookies get devoured first. that always leaves the sad little box of trefoils at the end. and you're like.. well, fuck. there's no OTHER cookies left. might as well eat these piece-of-shit boring slabs of lameness. it's like eating pure sugar-flavored boredom.
so it's not the cookies themselves necessarily, it's what they represent. they represent the end. you've already wolfed down all the amazing cookies and now, you glutton, you're left with nothing but this disappointing boring cookie you probably could have made yourself with some dough and a little sugar. you could make a more exciting cookie blindfolded.
so, if in your hierarchy of girl scout cookies, you rank the trefoils in your top three, consider our friendship hereby terminated. i can't have any of you boring cookie-eaters getting in my way of having an awesome time. but who are we kidding? if you like trefoils, you're probably too boring to read blogs on the internet. instead you're sitting alone in your room with your cats reading a D.H. lawrence novel or knitting long johns or something.
let's just leave it at this:
if i see you eating a trefoil, i will punch you in the goddamn mouth.
WATCH THE FUCK OUT.
10 comments:
Samoas are my favorites too! Let's do this.
thin mints are my fave, but samoas are a close second. :)
shortbread is only tolerable when drowned in strawberries, syrup, and whipped cream. and i mean drowned.
-B
excellent rant. well done sir.
i fucking looooove trefoils. def in my top 3. suck it phil. so what if i sit in my room with meatball and knit long johns and eat trefoils?... all the radder that makes me. i'm sure you'd love to have a personalized knitted pair of flannel lined long johns with a few trefoil crums left on them. but noooOOooo my cookie eating decision makes me a lesser friend. lets just dance out our differences tonight!
-sarah b.
sarah, i would be willing to grant you an exception if you compete with me in a dance-off tonight.
bring your long johns.
have you ever had samoas ice cream? yum.
THIN MINTS, BITCH!!!!
f y to the i, my bro-in-law just got a box o' trefoils, and you better bet that i busted out this blog entry to read aloud to him. he said he fights to the death for trefoils, but then again, he's australian, so, you know. not to be trusted.
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