dispatches from the beach, vol. 3

maybe you're at the beach right now reading this blog. or maybe you're going on a beach vacation this summer. i've decided to include some tips here in my blog for people.

how do you let go of the stresses of modern life at the beach? what are some great ways to relax? let me show you some options.

phil's tips for relaxing at the beach:

1. go try to buy a hat, only to come to the conclusion you've known all along: your head is so fucking big that no hat will ever fit it and you're just going to have to deal with sun in your eyes at the beach for the rest of your life. kill yourself.


2. take a drive. count the people with horrific sunburns.

3. read vice magazine. try to hide the scandalous american apparel ad on the back from the view of your relatives.


4. look for civil war historical markers. (i actually found one!)


5. take a nap in your new kitchen bed!


6. get drunk as shit off raspberry-flavored vodka.. because sometimes that's just how you roll.