liveblogging the new britney spears album

i have received a downloaded mp3 copy of the new britney spears.

i will be liveblogging my first impressions as i listen.

1. womanizer

i can relate a lot to this song, because i am a womanizer. and i do, in fact, try to front. but britney sees right through that. which is why she makes millions of dollars and i make something in the mid-$30s. i counted how many times she says "womanizer" and it's 39,210 times.

2. circus

from what i can tell, this is britney laying it out for you honest-style. she's an entertainer and you're the audience and she's ready to party. we're seeing some more themes about love, loss, and god in this song. okay, maybe not any of those things.

3. out from under

oh man, an acoustic jam.. this early in the album. what a treat! someone is definitely singing about kevin federline... and listening to dido albums. i was dancing before, and now i've stopped. this is not good for track #3. FAST FORWARDING.

4. kill the lights

one of my favorite virginia bands ever was called races to april. they had a song called "kill the lights". it was better than this song. that's all.

5. shattered glass

this song is pretty good. but i think if they let justice remix it, we could be talking serious hit potential. not bad, brit.

6. if u seek amy

i was starting to wonder when the idea of liveblogging while listening to a britney spears album would start to become a bad idea. turns out it is during this song. BAD BAD BAD.

7. unusual you

i don't think this song is about when she shaved her head and attacked an SUV with an umbrella, but i'd like it to be about that.

8. blur



9. mmm papi

okay, the title had me interested. this is like britney spears trying to write a B-52s song? i can't even handle this on any kind of level. FUNNY BUSINESS. FAST FORWARDING.

10. mannequin

whoever wrote the backing vocals for this song needs to be shot. also i have issue with these lyrics: i like it and i do what i like and you do what i like and you like it. i'm not even joking.

11. lace and leather

SLAP BASS! THIS SONG FEATURES SLAP BASS! seriously, the seinfeld theme song guy is fucking live and in full effect on this track. love it. okay, so... lace and leather. clearly we're singing about the good girl/bad girl dichotomy. britney obviously excels at this. i also identify with her struggle as i am constantly balancing my badass bearded self with my softer emotional side.

12. my baby

OMFG. it's a song about her kids. of course. she's a mom now. don't get me wrong, i fucking LOVE moms. i have a mom and she's great. but we don't need another song about being a mom, y'all. not by britney spears. first line of the song: tiny hands / yes that's you when i first heard it, i thought she said "tiny heads", which was infinitely more awesome. also, there's this gem of a lyric: i smell your breath / it makes me cry / i wonder how i've lived my life i am not even kidding dudes. if and when britney's children grow up and they're angsty teenagers and she's long since retired... i hope that when they're in a big fight about being grounded or getting bad grades, one of them says "MOM, THAT SONG YOU WROTE ABOUT US..... IT SUCKS!"

13. radar (bonus track)

i'm so lucky that when i stole this album on the internet, i got a free BONUS TRACK. i am not entirely sure, but i think this is the exact same song as womanizer with different lyrics. it was 12 songs back, but i'm reasonably confident about this.

OKAY, THE NEW ALBUM HAS BEEN LIVEBLOGGED.

please download the album yourself, and read along in real time for the full effect.

overall score: C+
considering all she's been through: B+
odds of listening to again not as a joke: 24%